“Is everything all right?”, Dave asked.
I kept my face neutral as my mind raced to decide how to answer that question. Clearly, he was asking because my reaction to Asa breaking a glass while on dish duty was not gracious. We constantly tell the kids you get to choose – will you react or will you respond when things don’t go well. Asa stacking wet glasses together and learning about vacuum seal the hard way; I reacted. Poorly.
This was day five of our new life. Four days ago, I threw my comfort zone to the wind and boarded a plane in Grand Rapids, MI. As we taxied away from the gate, the gravity of what we were doing finally hit me. There are no concrete plans to return. We were leaving.
Three days ago, I spent time with a gem of a human who I’ve had the privilege to call friend since age six. We are both hovering on huge life changes without being sure of the outcome. We all know mine but she is doing that sacred dance of expectantly waiting and trusting God with her baby’s life while her body is going into preterm labor – 27 weeks tomorrow – the sacred dance of surrender.
Two days ago we arrived in Martinique and found the boat fully detailed and waiting for us. What relief to climb into bed that night!
Yesterday the settling in started. For the first time, I was thankful for that 440 lb weight limit. Where was everything going to fit?! Also grocery shopping was completely overwhelming. Why didn’t one of us take French in high school?! We took the afternoon off to play at the beach which was a gift to all of us.
Which brings us to day five – full of language barriers, broken toilets, LONG trips to the grocery store (yes, again) as we provision, and whining kids who just want to go back to the beach.
So no Dave, no – everything is not all right. So much has changed. So many emotions are being felt and my brain is exhausted! Thanks so much for asking.
I didn’t say that. What I did say could be repeated (little ears on a small-ish boat) but I’ll save you the details. It didn’t start well but it did end well. A lot is changing and change is difficult. So we continue to talk through issues, we continue to forgive, we continue to look for connections with those we meet, and we continue to find places to tuck things away and make a home.
I miss my people. I know this is worth it. I know this is a gift. I know we will all appreciate this time together and amazing things will come out of it. But right now – day five – I’m exhausted mentally and emotionally. I can accept the exhaustion as part of the journey, but boy howdy, this is hard.